It may seem from my previous post that going for study abroad is the best thing that happened to me.
I beg to differ.
The fact is that I am going through a tough yet meaningful phase of my life. The best word to describe my experience is a “roller-coaster”.
Most people think that going for exchange is equivalent to a 5 month holiday. The first impression of people when they hear that I’m going for a semester exchange is that I am going to have so much fun and I don’t have to study because my grades will not be reflected on my transcript. However, I still have to pass all the courses I’m taking over here.
For the first 2 weeks of the semester, I went for a couple of social events and met so many people from different continents. It was my first time interacting with other people of a different race and background. Everyone was friendly and it was really easy for me to strike a conversation with them.
Sometimes I feel very honored to be here. I felt that a person like me (coming from a simple background) don’t belong here. I am the only person in my family who has traveled out of South East Asia. We cannot afford to travel abroad for a holiday (other than the neighboring countries) because I have many siblings and other sensitive reasons.
I am thankful for this opportunity which I earned solely based on my grades. It might seem too far fetched to travel halfway around the globe for exchange on my own when I can just do it somewhere “less expensive.” I received questions from some people regarding the cost of my program and who is funding for it. I believe that these people are concerned about me and I am thankful for that.
I took a loan which I am confident of returning as I can claim most part of my expenses from the education fund which I gained all these years as a student. On top of that, I have plenty of savings which I collected over the years as a part-time tutor.
At the start, I felt confident and complacent due to the weightage of the grade system. The exams contributes a smaller portion of the final grade as to compared to my home University. I felt that I just had to pass and for every assignment I was given, I would skip a few parts just because I can.
Huge Mistake!
After the 2nd week, I realized that I had to buck up. To be honest, most of my assignments were borderline marks. At this rate, I will fail 3 out of 5 of the courses which has a very heavy content.
To add on to my misery, I realized that I had the lowest marks in class for most of the assignments and I was pulling down the average mark of the class. At times, I felt depressed, The expectations I had on myself were taking a toll. Everyone was doing so well and I have been trying to cope by completing the assignments properly. I even had thoughts of giving up and just go back home.
So friends, even though it might seem on social media that I am having a time of my life, there are times which I felt worthless.
Whenever I am going down the slope, something will happen. A blessing in disguise to be exact. For example, a message delivered on one of the Friday sermon almost got me to tears. It was a boost I needed to keep me going. Another thought that came to my mind was the fact that I am a tutor. How can I give up, I am a teacher. I tell my students to strive and keep going. I gave them so many tips on being positive.
How can I give up when I tell others not to?
Thank you technology for making it easy for me to keep in touch with my loved ones. It certainly helped to remind me that I still have people back home who cares.
I might sound very ungrateful. Many people wish they could be in my shoes right now. I know my friends are also struggling back home in similar ways and also the haze. I always pray that things get better.
The next time I feel down, I will ask myself this. And you should too.
How am I able to grow without facing challenges? Life wouldn’t progress on its own. We have to face setbacks and challenges in order to grow.
Before I end, I would love to share this video which was shown in one of my classes today. It relates a lot to my experience here. It is about danger of a single story, how we perceive things might not be always true. End of explanation, here is the video.
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