Should a guy accept a wedding proposal just because he is sought after?
Though it might seem unheard of to many in the modern era of casual dating and love marriage, there are still communities that strongly encourage arranged marriages.
In these communities, gender discrimination hasn’t been eliminated. Imagine this scenario, a traditional family with a son & daughter in their late 20s, both single. It’s obvious that the parents would be more concerned in finding a groom for their daughter. There is a wider range of acceptable spouses for their son. Why is that so?
In these communities, men bring home the bread. It is necessary for the parents to find a capable SIL(son-in-law)for their daughter. If she’s in love with someone, that person would be heavily scrutinized before being accepted into the family. On the other hand, the prospective DIL(daughter-in-law)would be welcomed with open arms without much scrutiny.
There is almost no escape from this reality. The gender differences are strikingly evident. The CES(Capable, Educated & Single) males in these communities are highly sought after by parents who are looking for a suitable SIL. In certain traditions, a hefty dowry is paid to the groom.
This isn’t always applicable to CES females as they do not appeal to parents because
- parents don’t always search for a DIL
- It is seen as shameless to find a bride more capable & educated than their son
- CES females are seen as dominant & are not “DIL material”
It can be a huge ego boost for CES males as they can have plenty of options. From an external perspective, it would be an ideal & powerful position to be in. It’s like getting a free upsize from the waitress for being handsome, something you didn’t work hard for.
On the contrary however, a CES male who prefers to be single may encounter obstacles as evading marriage is frowned upon. There is also another category of CES males. The ones who rejects the idea of arranged marriage as it can hurt their pride. As a CES male, they do not believe in the easy way out. To be perceived as incapable is unimaginable. In most cases, the pitied person is the one who have to settle, the girl who didn’t have a choice but to marry the CES male chosen by her parents. This is an absolute red flag for the CES male to avoid any feelings of inadequacy.
The dilemma still remains. Being critical to the environment is key to finding the optimal solution. Every scenario is unique. An individual’s decision affects the happiness of the community. The previous statement still remains true if we switch the words ‘individual’ & ‘community’. Hope you gained some perspectives from this short read, even if it is not relevant to you 🙂
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